After being gone all week for a business trip, I logged a half-day of work last Friday, which left only the afternoon and evening for errand-running before flying out early the next morning with Karry for a few getaway days. I had a gajillion things to do and space for just a few of them to get done.

Picked up a couple prescriptions at the pharmacy, popped into Auto Zone for a lo-beam replacement for my car, and stopped by Triple A for some maps. In between I made a run to the landfill to drop off some recycling. Our township doesn’t have a recycling program, and I didn’t want it piling up while we were away. 

The dropoff is about 15 minutes out of town. I followed a pickup truck into the landfill’s complex. The entrance is about a quarter mile straightaway before you right turn to climb a hill to where the big recycling bins are. Speed limit’s only 15 mph, as there are always garbage trucks coming and going. 

Towards the end of the straightaway, I noticed the pick-up truck slowed to a stop for no reason. There weren’t any cars in front of him or anything. I was paying attention and had ample time to stop, though I found it odd. It was like the way people will slow down if the car behind them is following too close. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think much of it. 

The truck made the right up the hill, and I followed. The recycling bins sit immediately on the left, next to the company’s office building. There are two big green bins, with room for cars to park in front of each. Beyond the building, if you keep going, there’s a big shed that always has big machinery and trucks around it. 

At the top of the hill, I went to make the immediate left into the first parking spot … when I noticed the pickup truck had stopped and started backing up. He didn’t use any turn signal or anything, not that I would expect someone to, since we weren’t on a main road or anything. 

Only when I saw him backing up did I pick up on the fact he was planning to pull in to the far left slot where I was already pulling in.

It was as if I sneaked in behind him. 

When he saw me do that, he stopped, pulled forward, and then turned his truck so he could take the far right spot. 

Immediately I was mortified, realizing I took the spot he was planning to back in to. 

I was out of my car by the time he backed in and already formulating my apology.

He didn’t give me the chance. 

He was cursing me before he made it to the back of his pickup truck. 

He was a big, bearded, ball-capped fella. 

Addressed me as an a-hole for tailgating him the whole way in and cutting in front of him. Asked me if I was asking for an ass-kicking for doing so. 

Decorated his vitriol with an avalanche of eff bombs.  

I apologized. Confessed that I didn’t expect him to back up, and that I realize I should have waited for him. Told him it was not my intention to cut behind him.

He was having none of my b.s. 

Got in a robust cardio workout exercising his adult vocabulary in ripping me a new one, or at least, you know, a recycled one. 

I have to say, even though he was calling me names and threatening retaliation, he did not intimidate me. His reaction was not upsetting to me. 

I was just deeply sorry. 

I knew I had made a mistake. I was probably distracted by all the things I didn’t have time to get done. I tried to let him know that it was not my intention to tailgate him. I apologized a couple times more while he spewed. 

Really, I just wanted to let him know that my stupid actions were not worth getting upset over. 

He was past a point of no return, though. 

Things quieted for a moment as we both emptied our recycling into our respective bins, me into the left one, he into the right. 

Protocol is to empty the contents of garbage bags into the bins, and then toss the bags into separate cans lined up on the side of the building. 

After emptying a big black garbage bag, I started to cross over to where the garbage cans were.

The guy sees me coming towards him and yells, “Don’t you f*cking get near my truck.” 

“Just throwing a bag away, sir,” I said, calmly. 

He was quiet for a couple seconds. I think he may have begun to notice that I was not interested in escalating things. 

But I also knew he was looking for any excuse to escalate things. 

“I’m happy to let you finish,” I said, and backed up a couple steps. 

“Yeah, you let me f*cking finish,” he said. 

In my head I so wanted to break the fourth wall and say, “Come on dude, we’re just a couple guys dropping off recycling. I may have done a stupid thing that upset you, but, trust me, I am not your enemy.” 

But I didn’t say it. 

Call it a hunch … but something told me that reminding him that we were both on Team Mother Nature would have only made things worse. 

I fully admit that I would’ve been jacked at me if I were driving his pickup. Though, if I was backing in my truck knowing someone was behind me, I probably would have taken the spot on the far right. 

And used my turn signal. 

But I realize I’m separating cardboard and plastic here.

I knew the best course of action was to stay quiet, let him be upset and hopefully get on with his day.

He got back into his truck and pulled back down the hill. I watched him make the left onto the straightaway that leads back to the main road.

After I tossed my empty bags,  I made sure to observe the speed limit on my way from the landfill to the rest of my gajillion things. 

I didn’t feel the sick feeling in my stomach I typically feel when experiencing people yelling at each other. I just felt bad that my actions contributed to someone getting angry at the world. 

I prayed that the person wouldn’t take it out on the rest of his day.

And while I know I’m incapable of ‘fixing’ things on that front, I felt compelled to re-balance the scales a little. 

This is me reminding myself that we always get to choose our response.

We get to choose when someone follows too close and takes our spot … or when a stranger goes off on us for taking theirs.  

Saturday morning while Karry and I were waiting to board our plane at the airport, having left a gajillion things undone, I took a few minutes and wrote the note below. We got back late last night. This afternoon I printed off a couple copies to stuff into envelopes. I handed one to Michelle, a kind waitress at Eat n’ Park who knows from making people’s days a little bit better. I asked her to find a customer who might appreciate a little light. Wrote Michelle’s name on the other one and left it on my table.

Dear lovely human,                                                                                                                                                         

Earlier today, I upset a stranger with my driving. 

I honestly didn’t mean to, I just made a mistake. 

There was no accident or anything, but the stranger got really angry at me. Called me names, swore at me, and asked me if I was trying to get my ass kicked.

 I told him it was totally my mistake, and I apologized. Multiple times. 

He was too angry to be interested in forgiving me, which I understand. He drove away just as mad at the world as he was at me. 

I wasn’t upset by his anger. I just felt bad that my actions contributed to a bad part of his day. 

While I know I can’t fix that stranger’s bad mood, I thought maybe I can at least make another stranger’s day a little better.

So I just wanted to remind you that sometimes we are unintentional catalysts for a person’s bad day. 

But we can also try to be intentional catalysts for someone’s good day, too. 

I also wanted to let you know that, even though we’ve not met, that I’m praying for you. 

Specifically, that if you ever make a mistake that upsets a stranger, that the other party offers you a bit of the grace you deserve. 

And conversely, if a stranger ever does something that upsets you, I’m praying for you for the patience of a few deep breaths to soften the harder edges of your anger into a bit more grace than maybe the other person deserves. 

Sometimes the best I can say for this broken world is that it sure gives us a lot of chances to participate in the flow of grace. If we’re lucky enough to live a full life, we find ourselves at either end at some point. 

So … in the spirit of all of the above, your visit’s on me. 

You and your day deserve it … and so much more. 

As long as you promise to remember that not all bad drivers are a-holes. 

At least not all of the time (ha).

Upcycling,

Pete