Postcards, Righteous riffs

Blanket Drop …

Re-watched all of my favorite holiday movies this season. 

Except one. 

A Charlie Brown Christmas, which we never got around to. 

Destination TV when the kids were younger, though.

I mean, Linus droppin’ the mic at the end? 

Puts a lump in my throat every time. 

It was only this year that I was made aware of something I’d never noticed in all my previous watchings. 

He drops the blanket, too.

In the climactic “Light’s, please” scene, right before he says, “Fear not …” Linus drops his blanket. 

All those years I watched it, I never noticed it. 

When a friend mentioned it to me, I got chills.

A sermon hidden in plain sight. 

Looked it up online. 

Yep. 

Apparently, the Internet’s known about this for some time. 

I asked my family if they were aware.

Nope.

Once I became aware, though, I couldn’t stop geeking out about it, asking friends. Sharing with those, who like me, were uninitiated. 

Immediately thought of my high school buddy, Bob, an animator, who grew up a connoisseur of comics and cartoons. 

I shot him a note … said I assumed he knew about this, but I couldn’t risk him not knowing. 

He, of course, knew about the scene.

Shared the wisest reply. 

“I did know about the dropped blanket thing, but I never really attached any significance to it. 

“I always looked at it from an animation perspective, where I think Linus does a lot of arm gesturing during that scene and instead of animating a blanket moving around wildly with his arms, they just had him drop it and then pick it up again when he was done talking. I think the reason I thought that was because when Charlie Brown is talking to him right before Linus goes off, Charlie Brown drops his coat right before talking with his hands. Again, I assumed that was for animation purposes.”

Brilliant insight, which Bob’s always been good for. 

At first his reply hit me like a splash of cold water. 

“A Charlie Brown Christmas.” (Peanuts Worldwide)

So … a practical animation choice. 

No sermon intended.

Nothing to see here.

Hmm. 

But just because Charles Schulz may have been more interested in easing his animating burden doesn’t mean there’s not a sermon to be found. 

Just because something isn’t true, or as intended, doesn’t mean it can’t be meaningful. 

Otherwise myths wouldn’t exist. 

Or religions, some might say.

We live in a world that would rather know how the trick is done than believe in magic. 

Not me. 

I’d rather be (open to being) awed.

I’ve learned to keep my antenna up for magic and meaning … even where it’s not supposed to exist.

Who says a perfect sermon can’t be found in a practical choice?  

Even Bob in his wisdom agrees. 

“But I guess in the big picture, it’s a much better story and makes more sense to say that Linus didn’t need security during that moment.”

We can let the blanket drop … without letting it get wet.

__

Sitting in my usual seat at my favorite coffee shop where I’m typing this, I watched an older woman, bundled head to toe for the cold, walk in to warm herself for a few minutes before catching her Saturday morning bus. 

As she was trudging back to the door with 12 warm ounces in her hand, already bracing for the cold on the other side, a familiar downtown face came in, and seeing her, stepped to the side, and with his right arm, backhanded the door open for her. 

Not the biggest fellow, he had to bend over a bit to muster the strength to brace the door open with just his one arm. 

But from where I sat, his forced hunch read as a bow, imbuing his humble act with an added reverence.  

Allowing the older woman catching her bus to pass through the door regal as a queen, nobly enrobed in her winter coat, her toboggan pulled tight like a crown.

She nodded thanks to him as she exited. 

As if to a loyal subject. 

It was a scene that neither would likely think of ever again. 

She, a bus to catch. 

He, cold hands to warm at the fireplace. 

Me, a lump in my throat for the gift of bearing witness.

It was a scene I’m likely never to forget. 

His bow. Her nod. 

A sermon hidden in plain sight.

A sweet and simple reminder to be kind where we can to those we encounter along the way.

To humble ourselves to allow the strangers we meet to walk in dignity in an otherwise cold world. 

If he’d have been holding a blanket in his right hand, he might have made the practical choice to drop it, too.

Lights, please.

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Excursions

Turning Point …

Did a couple brave things Tuesday night. 

For starters I drove through the snow into the city. Roads were awful. Slid into a bank trying to make the left onto Maiden Street.

Traffic on the interstate slowed to a sloppy crawl just before Canonsburg. Google told me I should peel off the exit, so I listened.

Called home to let Karry know my circumstances. 

Candidly, part of me was hoping she’d tell me to just come back home. 

Give me an excuse not to go through with the second brave thing.

“You should stay on the interstate. It’s gonna be better than the side roads.” 

She is so much better than Google.

It was the wisest counsel … from the person who’s been pointing in the right direction for 30 years and counting.  

So I got myself turned around. Limped back onto I-79. 

Kept going. 

Sent a text letting ‘em know I was on my way, but was gonna be 15 or so minutes late. 

“That’s OK. You’re on last!” 

__

On a whim the week before I submitted something for Story Club Pittsburgh’s monthly live gathering.

Something about the theme — Turning Point — caught my eye. Made me think of something I’d written but never shared before. 

The following day Kelly their (awesome) producer emailed me back, “The Spotlight slot’s yours if you want it.”

Eesh. 

After I said yes Kelly informed me that the stories had to be under seven minutes.

Over the next few days, violent editing ensued.

By the time I’d gotten in my car Tuesday to drive into the city, I still hadn’t quite limbo’d my story under the bar. 

Crawling along the interstate afforded me some extra practice time in the car. Must’ve run through it a half dozen times trying to find places where I could chop a few more seconds … without having to rush it. 

And praying I’d remember my edits. 

Seven minutes seemed like both forever and not nearly enough time.  

As I drove I reminded myself I was last, so I’d have some time once I got there if I needed it. 

Arrived while the emcee was still on stage and before the first storyteller. 

Other than the spotlight slot at the end, the proceedings are open mic. Anyone who wants to tell a story drops their name in a hat — from which they pick seven names to go on stage. 

As I grabbed a chair, the voice inside me said I owed the brave humans on stage my full attention … the same gift I would soon be asking from them. 

The greatest gift in the world as far as I’m concerned. 

They made it an easy gift to give. 

The first person shared a brave and beautiful story about a person they stayed in a relationship way too long with, and what their hopeful but misplaced optimism had taught them. An older gentleman spoke about losing a best friend in high school and how he’s tried to live for both of them since. Another person relayed an amazing daisy chain of grace and kindness from law enforcement that allowed him to essentially walk on water all the way from New Jersey to Pittsburgh. There was a story about a rat in an apartment and another about a snake on a trail. And a lawyer told a tale of tracking down a client who met him not with a handshake, but a shotgun pointed at his chest.

Before I knew it, the emcee was calling my name. 

By which point a good 90 minutes had passed since I’d taken my seat. 

Since I’d last thought about my story. 

I’d been picked as a Spotlight Storyteller once before, about a year ago. But I got sick and couldn’t be there in person. Made arrangements to share virtually from home. Had my notes on a second screen just in case, which made it easy. 

This time, it was just me. 

No notes. 

The lights made it hard to see the faces of the people in the audience. 

As I started in from memory, my mouth felt dry. 

Was about a minute in … when I felt my words sliding to the tip of my tongue.

Got a little over halfway through. 

And lost my way. 

In the spotlight. 

Alone on stage.

In front of a pretty full house. 

With the clock ticking. 

Stuck. 

But then … 

… something amazing happened. 

A few people in the audience started snapping.

A couple clapped encouragement. 

And a wonderful soul in the front row … one of the few faces I could see in the lights … repeated the last couple of lines I had said back to me. 

A roomful of humans that was already offering me their greatest gift, did their best to point me in the right direction. 

Took me a moment, but I got myself turned around. 

Limped back on the interstate. 

Kept going. 

Crawled the rest of the way.

Until I made it.  

__

On my drive back home, I thought of Patti Smith, and the time she forgot the words to “A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall” while performing in front of the King of Sweden and the royal family at Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize ceremony in Stockholm. 

And how beautifully and humanly she wrote of her experience. Of the kindness shown her afterwards by some of the Nobel scientists in attendance, who shared their appreciation for her very public struggle. “I wish I would have done better, I said. No, no, they replied, none of us wish that. For us, your performance seemed a metaphor for our own struggles,” she wrote so movingly in The New Yorker.  

It occurred to me that, had I spent those 90 minutes before I stepped on to the stage going over my story, I would likely have avoided my embarrassment and delivered a better performance for the audience I was there to serve. 

But that would have come at the expense of giving my full attention to all the other wonderful storytellers that came before me. 

It would have required withholding my most valuable gift in the world. 

So I refuse to regret my choice. 

I accept my stumbling as a fair price to pay … for the gift of bearing witness to their stories.

Maybe even a bargain. 

Because had I not stumbled, I would not have experienced an audience of strangers reaching out to steady me. 

And the traveler writing these words would be much the poorer for that.

I could have been perfect. 

I would much rather be human.

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Postcards, Righteous riffs

Heroes ….

“So, we’re making this a tradition, huh?” 

Em’s reply when asked if she wanted signed up for the New Year’s Day Resolution 5K we ran last year.

“Yes … a tradition!” I enthused.

To be clear, she detests running. Didn’t have her newer tennis shoes at home. Had to borrow my old hoodie. 

When Peter asked her goal for race day, she answered: “To not cry the entire time.”

“Me too!” I replied, holding up a hi-5 which she promptly ignored.

In this year’s sequel, I took note of a few differences from our maiden voyage. 

For starters we arrived early. 

In the 23 years I’ve been a parent, we’ve never been early for anything. 

Like, ever. 

We had ample time to get our bibs, pee, stretch. 

I actually peed a second time …  because I knew I may never be this early again. 

To be fair, last year was a totally spur of the moment affair. In a spasm of poor decision-making, I signed us up on New Year’s Eve — the day before the race — whilst slightly north of my second Moscow Mule of the evening. Was genuinely surprised they both said yes. It was their first 5K.

This year was Em’s second.  

Her brother, on the other hand …. 

Peter’s actually taken a keen interest in running over the past year. Much more serious than mine. Minds his times and distances. Actually had a New Year’s Race Day goal in mind. 

Meanwhile, I held fast(-ish) to mine from last year: not puking.

With the aforethought that comes with pre-planning, I strategically managed my New Year’s Eve race prep. 

Stayed away from Moscow Mules. 

Opted for margaritas instead.  

Was coming off an uneven night’s sleep when we took our place among the mass of humanity at the starting line. Didn’t feel like I had much in the tank. 

So I was grateful to find a person shortly after the start to hitch my wagon to, so to speak. From the back, the guy looked middled-aged and mis-matched …  seemed to be wearing a collared shirt over another shirt (?), along with shorts, dark socks and a ballcap. Temperature was in the 30s, which made his incongruous ensemble read as either brazen or ironic — both of which I found oddly appealing. 

He seemed like a poorly informed tourist from another country trying too hard to blend in … or exactly how I’ve felt in every race I’ve ever participated in. 

His pace was reasonable, though. Determined without trying to prove too much … which, I reminded myself, was the same criteria I used for picking my middle school cologne. 

Managed to keep him in my sights the first mile. The trail was puddled in places, which made it a little challenging for me to keep up, but not too off-putting. 

After I hit the mid-point turnaround, I was greeted by a winter wind bent on smacking me in the face the whole rest of the way (rude). Over the second mile, my pacer lengthened his lead, but I did my best to keep from falling too far behind. 

I find once one crests a race’s midpoint, one’s playlist becomes really important. You need that voice in your head to take your mind away from the realization that, if it wasn’t for your poor decision-making, you could be home right now under a weighted blanket on the couch, binge-watching Murder She Wrote while sipping hot cocoa. 

My playlist was on shuffle, so up popped a slow ballad I love by a melancholic Pittsburgh band from the 90’s, whose singer began to croon, “This world will be the death of me,” which convinced me I should maybe outsource the curation of my hype music to the algorithms.  

Stole a glance down at my phone to hit skip, trading “… satchel full of broken hopes … ” (wtf?) for “Heroes” by Bowie (universe balance = restored), and noticed I had just under a half-mile left. Took a quick inventory of my legs, breath and bowels and, confirming stasis, looked up and noticed I’d gotten a little closer to Dark Sock Ironic Collar Guy.

This is the point in the proceedings where one starts thinking about one’s finishing kick, which for me, consists of trying not to giggle slash pee oneself.

The lesson of the TBPPD (Tall Bearded Prematurely Peaking Dude) from a year ago slow-jogged through my mind as I considered my strategy. The previous night’s margaritas suggested … a conservative approach. 

So I waited ’til the three mile mark, and then, you know, called down to engineering to fire up the old warp core. 

Once engaged I passed DSICG with all the urgency of a middle-aged man on the cusp of the morning’s third pee …  in the process resisting the temptation to look over my shoulder to see if my backdraft caused the collar on his shirt to at all flutter.

Hubris eventually comes for us all.

Pushed as hard as I could as I crossed the finish line. 

But after catching my breath on the other side, I sought out my pacer. 

“Excuse me, sir,” I called out. 

He turned around, whereupon I noticed that (a.) he was a bit older than me, and (b.) his collar was actually a neck-warming device (pro move). I also saw the front of his shirt for the first time, which commemorated a Boston Marathon he’d previously conquered decades ago. 

Respect.

I congratulated him on running a great race. Told him he was my North Star, and thanked him accordingly. 

He confessed he hadn’t run in two months, so wasn’t sure what his body was going to give him. From where I stood, he did more than OK.  

I sought out Peter and Em in the post-race hubub, and we headed back indoors to warm up and so Peter could check out the results. 

He found his name on the printout they taped to the wall by the awards table. Finished top 25, third in his age group, shaving a whopping two minutes-plus per mile from a year ago. 

What a difference a year can make. 

So we hung around for the awards. 

They went oldest to youngest, announcing the winners in the 70-and-above category first. 

A familiar figure walked up to claim first place.

Dark socks. Shorts.  

Dude was in his 70s. 

Um … brazen, it turns out. 

As far as North’s Stars go, I chose wisely. 

Probably went home and spent the afternoon chopping wood. 

Needless to say, I found the experience of smoking a stone cold septuagenarian down the home stretch very satisfying. 

We waited through the other age groups until they got to the 20-29s. 

Announced females first. 

When we heard third place finished just above 30 minutes, Em and I had the same thought.

She turned to me, “Wait, if she was third … then I might have ….”

We were both giggling by the time she finished the sentence, just as they were calling her name for winning her age group.

In the ironic category. 

I had a fresh hi-5 waiting for her by the time she returned to her seat … which she promptly ignored.

I informed her that she was now bound by honor to come back next year and defend her crown.

Ah … traditions.  

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Righteous riffs

The Greatest Tribute (Ode to Jim)

A letter arrived yesterday from my friend Jim.

My normal custom for an early-in-the-week Jim letter is to save it to open on Saturday morning.

To give myself something to look forward to.

And to make sure I have the space — temporal, physical, soulful — to savor the treasure inside.

My friend Jim’s a wonderful poet. His letters are always accompanied by a few of his recent poems.

He happens to be in his 90s now.

When I grow up, I hope to someday write as well as Jim does in his 90s.

At his age he senses the nearness of death. As a former pastor he also senses the nearness of being called Home.

Having lived so long, having lost his wife, Mary, to dementia a couple years ago … he keenly appreciates the preciousness of days and time.

And stares it all down with a poet’s heart.

Has made a practice of sifting the everyday for meaning and for magic.

And somehow makes it all rhyme … figuratively and literally.

“Poetry is persistently plaguing me at night, and when, half asleep, I kick off the covers, I force myself to get up, write down a phrase, or a line or two, so precious that I just can’t chance to let it wander away.”

For the record, I’m a little over half Jim’s age, and when I kick off the covers at night, it’s to get up to pee, not scribble down epiphanies.

Jim inspires me so much, in both the act and the substance of his letters and poems.

We’ve carried on a correspondence for a few years now.

I’ve noticed a common refrain in his letters. A lament.

He’s always longed for his poetry to be published … so it can be remembered.

In a post-Thanksgiving letter, he wrote, “Doggerel, following me like a lost puppy, and when on Google yesterday, I found a host of famous lines of Tennyson … I asked, ‘Will anyone remember even one of mine?’ as if I’ll care after my death.”

But only a line later … “Sunday morning sun brightens the tarnished attitude I bring to life on these usual dull winter days.”

I can attest that Jim’s poetry is beyond worthy.

When I wrote him back, I asked him if he would mind if I shared his poems with friends.

And for once, when his reply arrived in the mail, I didn’t wait until Saturday morning to open it.

Something about the urgent pause of a New Year’s Eve suggests a break with custom.

“YES, you may share whatever comes from me. That is the greatest tribute that I know of … of my attempts at poetry … to be liked enough to share.”

In thinking how I might best serve your precious attention in this moment … I can’t think of any better gift to share with you than Jim’s gifts shared with me. Of his noticing in a sparrow’s visit a kindred spirit. His allowing a newborn sun to surround in warmth all that’s old in him.

So in this space between the holidays, between our no longers and our not yets, may we greet whatever lies ahead as if it were a Sunday morning sun.

May we approach it with the wisdom, persistence and awe of a 90-year-old poet still sifting this broken world for its good light.

May we ever be so alive to what moves us that we have no choice but to kick off the covers and call it by name, so we can share our magic words with the world around us.

May we always (always) have something to look forward to.

If you are so moved, you have Jim’s permission to like, share and comment. I promise to reflect your good light back to him.

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Fathers and Sons, The Girls

23 & 20 ….

When Karry was pregnant with Emma, people would ask Peter, who was three at the time, whether he wanted a little brother or a little sister. 

His answer was always the same.

“No.”

That one still cracks me up.

I mean, for a three-year-old … that’s a glorious comeback, right there. 

And when I called Karry’s Mom from the hospital to let her know it was, in fact, a girl … and Betty, in turn, informed Peter (who she was watching while we were at the hospital), he made a beeline for the kitchen sink, climbed in the space underneath it, and shut the door behind him. 

Years later, whenever people would ask me about our kids, I’d find myself saying, “My son’s ____ (16 … 18 … 20, etc.) , and he’s still getting used to the fact that he has a little sister.”

All of the above, true.  

So … to be gathered around the table last night in our tiny dining room, surrounded by all our Christmas and life clutter …

… the four of us slow-savoring every bite of the by-request chocolate meringue flourless cake big brother made his little sister for her 20th birthday … 

… listening to them geeking out with each other about the cake’s cross section …

… him sharing with her how the recipe’s author discovered how to do the marbling on top, and how he was meticulous in following the directions … for fear of all the inherent gluten-free and dairy-free landmines …

… how he’s never been one to follow directions … a proud by-product of the Fordyce stubborness he comes by honestly …

… getting to bear witness to a big brother’s pride in receiving his little sister’s approval.

Forgive me if it’s gonna take me awhile to get used to that fact.

I mean, that he wanted to get it just right for her.

Let’s just say … such sweetness is worth the wait. 

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Postcards

Grace

Last time I was here, I asked for a saucer 

for my morning cup 

you know, in case I spil

l. 

They were out, so the person behind the counter

put a

BIG PLATE

under my

tiny cup, 

Which made me fall in love 

with the world 

all over again 

for a moment 

it was so perfect. 

My life needs 

a generous splash radius. 

Now every time I come in 

I ask for a large plate. 

The one they gave me today 

had a couple chips, 

which made it even more perfect. 

I told the person behind the counter 

that in my head, I was imagining a plate

 so

LARGE

I could sit on top of it while sipping from my

tiny cup. 

To catch every last

drop

of 

my 

mess love.

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Postcards

Going through the heart again …

Last week a co-worker came down with the flu. She’s been with us almost a couple years now. Was a middle school teacher before that. 

She was out only one day when she messaged us to let us know that her husband had tested positive for the flu, too. 

As did their one-year-old. 

All three of ‘em, down for the count right before the holidays.  

Found myself thinking about them on my long Wednesday commute, when a warm memory popped into my head (I find that sometimes my memories eavesdrop on my thoughts). 

From kindergarten through third grade, I went to Areford Elementary. It was a neighborhood school (which were more common back then), just a few blocks from my house. We all got to walk to school. 

For second-grade I had the most awesome teacher, Mrs. Schifbauer. 

Mention her name to my kids, and they will roll their eyes and say, “The bee’s knees.” 

Which is what I always say when I mention Mrs. Schifbauer. 

Seriously, to my second grade self, she was the bee’s knees.

I remember she had the most beautiful handwriting. 

To this day I can still conjure both the image and sounds of her writing our spelling words on the chalk board (with the good teacher’s chalk). It was all so mesmerizing to me. She’d write all the numbers on the board first. Oh, the way she’d swoop her 2s. (swoon). When she’d get to double digits, she’d start putting periods after the numbers. I would so look forward to the percussive punctuation of her chalk stabbing periods on the board. Twelve was my favorite … you’d get a swoop with a stab chaser (ha). 

It’s funny, the things we remember.   

After second grade they switched some of the teacher assignments, so I got to have Mrs. Schifbauer for third grade, too. It was like winning the teacher lottery. 

The specific memory that visited me on my commute was the time in third grade when my friend Jerry got really sick and had to miss school.  I remember it was wintertime. I don’t remember the specific circumstances of Jerry’s illness, just that he missed a bunch of days in a row.

And that Mrs. Schifbauer did the most remarkable thing.

She had our entire class grab our winter coats, and proceeded to shepherd us outside. Along with Mrs. Fisher (the other third grade teacher), she walked us down Eggleston Street, where we made the left onto 7th, and then the right onto Connor, where Jerry lived. Had one of us climb the steps onto Jerry’s big porch and knock on the front door. I remember Mrs. Rehanek (who, for the record, made the most awesome cherry floats in the history of the universe) coming to the door, seeing us all, and then ducking back in to summon Jerry. 

I don’t remember specifically what happened from there … if Mrs. Schifbauer said anything, or had us say or do anything.  I only remember that she just wanted Jerry to know how much we all missed him … and that we couldn’t wait for him to feel well enough to come back to school. 

If it wasn’t for a vague remembrance I have of a photo that Mrs. Rehanek took from the porch that day … I’m not sure I would even trust my memory. 

I mean, can you imagine such a thing happening today? 

__

Recently, I learned that the Italian verb “to remember” is ricordare, (similar to the Spanish recordar). The etymology is Latin — Re meaning ‘to go backwards,’ and cordis meaning ‘heart.’ 

Or put another way … ‘to go through the heart again.’ 

Isn’t that just the loveliest thing? 

Why am I telling you this? 

Because when the memory of Mrs. Schifbauer and her kindness went through my heart again on my Wednesday commute … I actually imagined such a thing happening today.

And thought of a couple teachers who might also appreciate such imagining. 

One of ’em … Jerry.

Who I haven’t seen or talked to in maybe 30 years. He’s a teacher in Maryland these days. 

I messaged him and asked him to fact-check my remembering. 

He hit me back almost immediately. 

Yep. 

Matter of fact … 

“I think I have a photo somewhere. I can text it to you if you wanna see the pic.” 

__

Went out for lunch Wednesday. It was a good day for soup, so I chose a deli not far from work, where they make it from scratch. 

On a whim, on my way out I asked the person behind the counter if their to go soups come hot or cold. 

Both, he said. 

Ordered a cold quart of chicken noodle to go. 

For a certain former teacher I know. 

Who’s been home from work with the flu all week with her husband and baby boy. 

__

Found myself driving to her house after work. 

Pulled outside.

Put on my winter coat.

Marched up the steps. 

And though I was by myself, I wasn’t alone. 

Jamie was there. Tonya and Tracy, too. Ricky and Danny. Scott poking his head between Jodi and Gretchen. Amy, Joy and Susan. Blaine and his kind smile way in the back.

All of us.

And a smiling Mrs. Schifbauer standing next to Mrs. Fisher. 

The bees knees I’m tellin’ ya.  

I didn’t ring the bell, though. 

Just left the soup. 

Along with a note recounting all of the above.

Shot Sydney a text as I was driving way, letting her know I’d put something on her porch. 

And that we all missed her … and that we couldn’t wait for her to feel well enough to come back to the office. 

Told her it was from Mrs. Schifbauer’s third grade class. 

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The Girls

Ripening …

I walked into the kitchen and saw one banana pulled apart from the bunch … set aside and ripening.

Smiled.

Emma’s home.

Went back a couple minutes later and she was there, fixing herself a bowl of cereal at the sink. Still in her pajamas. Wearing her glasses, too.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her in her glasses. Felt what I feel sometimes glancing out the window just as the sun is waking up through the trees … a riot of itself and all its possibilities.

The unearned gift of catching the fleeting moment just before it assumes its responsibilities for a day that will all but take it for granted.

For some reason, seeing her in her glasses has always melted me.

How they’ve always framed a face that holds all the world can become.

She’s only herself in the morning … all poor eyesight and barefoot … and an abiding love for Lucky Charms.

Her glasses bring her into focus for me, and for a fleeting moment, I catch a glimpse of all her younger selves. The ones she doesn’t like being reminded of because she’s too busy looking forward.

It’s for me to look back.

I find myself wanting to keep her in her glasses in the kitchen for as long as I can.

So I mention the bananas … not just the ripe one set aside, but all the ones in the bunch, which have been pulled apart from each other and are starting to brown in the basket.

“I didn’t pull all those apart,” she corrected me.

I just assumed she had.

“Wasn’t me,” she confirmed.

“And that’s not how you ripen bananas, anyway. You keep the bunch together and put a ripe banana beside them.”

Oh.

“Ripe bananas release ethylene. It’s a gas … which breaks down cell walls and converts starch into sugar, eliminating the acid … which causes the other bananas to ripen.”

When she finished, the sophomore biomed major used her index finger to straighten the right side of her glasses, unconsciously.

A riot of herself and all of her possibilities.

Turned around and went back to her old room to savor her Lucky Charms.

I stood in the kitchen for a moment … in the still warm space between her presence and her absence.

Neither looking back nor looking forward … just awed by the sunrise.

Ripening, I guess.  

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The Girls

Old Lonelies

Was fishing clean socks from a basket

in the laundry room Monday morning

when the purple in Emma’s sweater

caught my eye

washed, hung and left behind

the same way it did

Sunday morning as she was wearing it

leaving for Church

while I stayed behind

said hello to it this morning

— commiserating old lonelies now —

a frame painting a purple smile

on a sad wall

to help me remember

what Sunday going to Church looked like

as we both wait empty

for her return

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Postcards

Finding Whitman ….

Saturday, November, 16, 2024, 12:44 p.m.

While waiting for Nicole to deliver the first of her always luminous — and my requisite two — Saturday morning cortados at the tiny, tender coffee shop on North Main (which you should totally visit), I was perusing the small packs of Commonplace Coffee for sale near the counter, whose blends are always intentionally dedicated (they have one inspired by WYEP — a sonic apothecary of Pittsburgh’s airwaves for the past 50 years — called ‘Morning Mixtape’ [swoon]). Commonplace Coffee is a tender haven in its own right nestled in Pittsburgh’s North Side (which you should totally visit).

Unbeknownst to me, on the back of every one of Commonplace’s coffee packs is a Walt Whitman poem, evidently the inspiration for their name.

Stumbling upon such treasure was as much medicine for my morning as Nicole’s perfect cortados.

And too good not to share with kindred spirits.


Here’s to waiting / to find Whitman waiting patiently / scribbled on the back of packs / whispering across centuries / reaching like seashells washed ashore / for humble travelers bowing their heads / searching for a little light / to lighten their loads 

To solid ground for all. 

*raises cup to meet the morning light

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